I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
