Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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