I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
