i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
