Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
