i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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