I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
