I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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