they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
