Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
