He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
