we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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