Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
