Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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