never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
