Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
