sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
