Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
