if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
