someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
