Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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