i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
