You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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