I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
