"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
