just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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