why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
