I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
