im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
