I'm gonna have a badass scar
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
