I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
