He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
