Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
