...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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