Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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