Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
