My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
