i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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