i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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