Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
