so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
