I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
soo... how was my night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
