I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
