So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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