I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This baby is an asshole
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
