I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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