She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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