the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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