And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
