yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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