CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
