I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
