And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
