You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
