uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
