the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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