We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
