I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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