I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
