I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
