At least make sure they are 18
Why
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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