Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
