to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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