one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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