Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
