1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
