I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
