I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
