Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He felt like a one man threesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
