I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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