please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
