Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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