I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
